The Secret of How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back in 7 Steps


Let me give you the bad news first. It is possible that you don’t end up getting him back. Be it because you realize you don’t really want to, or because he has moved on. Don’t despair though, there is plenty you can do regarding how to get your ex boyfriend back.

I am here to break it down in a few simple steps for you 🙂

7 Simple and Foolproof Steps Regarding How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Step 1: Distance

how to get your ex boyfriend back

Here is some though love for you: you broke up for a reason.

It might be petty or it might be huge (and most likely, if you ask him, it was huge). So before you dive into the ins and outs of how to get your ex boyfriend back—I want you to think long and hard on what exactly that reason might be. This is essential to creating your strategy (and defining if it is worth having him back anyways).

Did he cheat on you?

Did you cheat?

Did the sexual sparks fade away?

Great couples are not always forever. The end of your relationship means that someone’s needs were not being met within in. Pinpoint the exact issue that drove you two apart. And it is essential to do that from a certain distance.

Here is a helpful tip for you—ask your girlfriends, your family, your co-workers. Any third person that you trust and that has seen the relationship unfold from a close enough point of view. They can give you invaluable insight from a distance you cannot yet achieve (after all, heartbreak and hurt ego do not exactly make for an accurate judgement).

Step 2: Evaluate

how to get your ex boyfriend back

Now that you have a definitive idea of the reason for the break-up, figure out what value the relationship brought to your life. Or put in other words, do you think getting back with that person is going to make your existence better, in spite of the issue you had?

We often go back to unhealthy relationships, because being single is uncomfortable and unusual, because we get used to having a ‘special someone’.

Is this relationship worth it in spite of the reason for its end?

If your answer is a definitive yes, continue this guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back.

If the answer is no, then make sure you don’t miss our guide on how to get over a breakup fast (like Taylor Swift) 🙂

Step 3: Heal

how to get your ex boyfriend back

If only breakups could be like middle school—a minor nuisance between the lack of pizza in the fridge and that slightly longer math homework you have for tomorrow.

As adults we invest a lot in relationships, so naturally when they end it’s emotionally harder.

Recognize and accept your anger, sadness, devastation, whatever bad emotion you might be feeling. Then take a few days to intentionally treat yourself gently and with compassion. Spend time with friends and family, rediscover the other meaningful relationships in your life.

A common problem for many women is that we seek external validation from our partners. Your source of this has now abruptly disappeared and this is a perfect time to learn to see your worth through our own eyes.

Personalization is another common form of distorted thinking that often goes with the need for validation from others—it is when we think that other’s actions are always a direct response to our behaviour. This might lead you to overanalyze your boyfriend’s behaviour, since you see it as an evaluation of you, of sorts, which in turn leads to neediness that strains the relationship. Here is another great reason to find peace within yourself first, before pursuing a reunion.

Try not to contact him during the healing period—this will only make you seem clingy and might put you in some embarrassing situations.

Step 4: Reconnect

how to get your ex boyfriend back

A simple, casual text will do.

Go for something friendly, yet personal.

Keep it lightweight and avoid speaking about emotions, how devastated you are or anything along the lines of ‘I will do anything to get you back’.

A simple, “Just heard this song on the radio. Remember when…?'” and follow-up with a fun time you two shared will do great.

This text achieves three things:

  1. No matter how crazy or messy the breakup, he now knows that you are reasonable and want to be on good terms with him.
  2. It reminds him of the awesome moments he had with you.
  3. It lets him know that you still think about him and you are possibly interested in rekindling the relationship, but it’s not desperate. After all, it is a text you would send to a friend, too.

Step 5: Analyze His Response

How To Get Over Someone Who Cheated On You

What he texts you back will generally fall into three categories:

1. He does not respond at all—bad sign, very bad sign.

If he’s ghosting you it means that he has either not forgiven/gotten past the reason for the breakup, or that he has completely moved on.

Remember when I asked you why you two separated? Is there maybe something he is offended about or hurt by? In that case, follow-up with:

Btw, I realise you might still be hurt and I want to apologize. It has been a hard time for me, too.

If, however, it was him who quoted a random, clichĂ©d reason such as ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ when you broke up, he probably just lost interest and moved on.

Try to send him one, only one more text and if he does not respond let it go. You cannot make a person love you and why would you want to be with someone who is not into you?

2. He responds with a vague, contentless text such as ‘Ahaha, yes’ or just with an emoji

This is almost equal to him not responding at all. It says just as little and he probably simply didn’t want to come off as a jerk by not texting back.

Again, if you think he is still mad at you, apologize.

If not, what I want you to do is just send him an emoji, a picture or the song/remix of the song. If you go for a pic, it goes without saying that it shouldn’t be a nude. Just a snap of what it is that made you think about him.

That’s all.

If the conversation doesn’t pick up from there, let it go. Once again, you don’t need a relationship where the other person is uninterested.

3. He sends you a meaningful message that can lead to a conversation

So, converse with him. As with the first message, keep it light and friendly and try to draw upon the good times you had together.

Step 6: Meet Up

how to get your ex boyfriend back

Now that you have had some civilized and pleasant communication, arrange for a meeting in person. You have the advantage of knowing him, so use that.

Mention you have some errand to do that just so happens to be really close to his office, so you two can grab lunch together. Or suggest a chat over coffee at a shop you used to go with him. Or bring up a mutual friend’s party and ask if he’ll be there.

When arranging to meet him, think fun, casual and at a public place. Kind of like a Tinder date, if you will. Except in this case the public place is so that it doesn’t sound like a booty call. After all, you want to get back in a relationship, not start a friends with benefits one.

IMPORTANT: Make sure to keep your eyes open for signs your ex boyfriend wants you back.

Step 7: Rekindle

how to get your ex boyfriend back

Ok, so you are meeting him again in a few hours.

First, I do not want you to spend too much time preparing—take the usual time you take to get ready for work, not more. Once again, casual and fun. If you spend too much on preparation you will mentally be putting too much importance on the date.

Wear that thing that makes you feel super confident and sexy (and that he hasn’t explicitly made fun of during your relationship). Do your hair, put on some light makeup (and think how he liked you to do it), perfume is also a must unless he’s allergic.

When you meet him, hug just a few seconds longer, but not so much that you make him uncomfortable, After this, the usual first date rules apply. In fact, I encourage you to think of this as the possible beginning of a new, better relationship. Flirt, focus on good and enjoyable conversation, touch him from time to time.

If he seems into it, end the meeting with a kiss.

It is possible, however that he does not respond so well or that you feel him friendzone-ing you (the ‘My ex-girlfriend and I are great friends now’ friendzone is a really awkward place to be).

In that case, bring up the getting back together part verbally. Say something like:

‘I still really enjoy spending time with you. Maybe we should try again…’

He will most likely not say no (people are usually afraid of hurting others) and if he does, it is basically a lost cause from there.

Even if he says yes though, he will have to confirm it with his actions for you to be sure. For instance, keep communicating through phone/text but the next time you meet in person, let him be the one who asks you out. Which, by the way, is valid for the first scenario with the goodbye kiss, too.

Good luck ladies and believe in yourselves! I hope you have enjoyed this awesome guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back 🙂 

Let me know what you think in the comments below!

You deserve a great man in your life, and you will get him even if it is not the one you lost.

Get back out there,


PS: If you want to an advanced method of how to get your ex boyfriend back that truly works, this program does wonders.