So he dumped you, the bastard.
Or you dumped him, or things just kind of fell apart and it’s too messy to even say who started it (although you hear he is boasting to his friends that he did).
But you know what, you are going to get over the breakup and be stronger for it. Because you deserve to feel damn good about yourself.
Did he make you feel amazing every day? Probably not.
I do not care how in love you were and that you had already picked out a wedding venue (Ahem, these days even single girls have wedding Pinterest boards). No single human being can do that, except for you, yourself.
See the breakup as an opportunity to reconnect with the various ways you can make yourself happy. This is the new beginning you needed (even though it feels more like a kick in your imaginary balls than a divine gift).
Here are 9 great ways to help you heal, forgive and strive again 🙂
Dealing with a breakup is no different from any other kind of grief. So, how to recover from a breakup?
There are plenty of ways to handle it in a healthy, self-compassionate manner. As with any kind of emotional suffering your first instinct might be to run away from your feelings.
Denial is your mind’s natural reaction to an unpleasant situation. However, allowing yourself to experience the negative emotions is the first step to overcoming them. Scream, hit a pillow, have a good cry, whatever you need to.
You are not broken for feeling so devastated, in fact it means that you have a normal and fully functioning heart. Only those who cannot love will not feel grief. And I am not talking poetic here, think about psychopaths. They don’t really feel much. But with that exception, everyone else around you can and probably has already been through something like this. It is normal and you will survive it.
Take some alone time, if you need it. One of the worst advice well-meaning people in your life will give you is to ‘go out more’. Yes, in principle, it is a good idea to reconnect with those you may have neglected during your relationship. But skipping a social gathering is nothing to be ashamed of. You will talk to people, party and mingle when you are ready. If you feel like you are better off staying at home for a few days — you have every right to do that.
But, wait, here is some counter intuitive, somewhat tough advice. Even if you don’t particularly enjoy being alone, try not to spend every minute with others just for the sake of avoiding loneliness. A little discomfort in your own company will pay off immensely as it will help you learn that being alone and lonely are most definitely not the same thing. What is more, it will prevent you from hastily jumping into a rebound relationship that might further drain you emotionally.
Life is awesome. Surely, maybe not always your own life, but somebody else’s. We live in what is probably the best age for entertainment. A good book, movie, video game…There is actually some research that says you literally forget about yourself when you are engulfed in something like that. Or as they say, “A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, the man who never reads lives only one.”
Experiencing good art can also help you better understand your emotions, as well as distance you from the painful situation.
Do not be afraid of your guilty pleasures either. If ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ or Justin Bieber make you happy, go for it.
(Speaking of celebrities, we have an article on how to get over a break up fast — like Taylor Swift. Make sure to check it out!)
It goes without saying this is advice just to those of legal drinking age. Wine is not only very enjoyable, but it actually beneficial to your help. Research shows that a moderate consumption of red wine can help prevent dangerous clotting by keeping your blood vessels flexible, lower the levels of bad cholesterol and even play a part in starving cancer cells. On top of that, it is a great classy, tasty and fun way to relax.
Take your time with it. Splurge on a bottle of the good stuff and pick up some fancy cheese* or charcuterie to compliment it. Put it in a nice glass. Invite some girlfriends over if you feel like it. If not, treat yourself to a few episodes of your favorite show. You can make an evening out of a glass of wine.
Here is an awesome article on wine-cheese pairings to inspire you.
Now that you have had your fun with Kim, Ben & Jerry’s and Merlot, try to show your outer shell some respect.
I know every breakup scene ever shot in a romantic comedy involves obscene amounts of chocolate, ice cream or any other fast food. But this can in fact perpetuate the ‘I feel awful about myself’ phase. You might have noticed already that when you eat well, sleep enough and move from time to time, you feel substantially better.
So while it is perfectly acceptable to have a sweet little rendezvous with all your favorite junk food, try to remember that a happy healthy mind lives in a happy healthy body.
What would be an easy, pleasant way to do that?
A SPA day.
This is basically your first step to wellness. I know it’s not tangible to tell you to hit the gym or start a diet right after a breakup. But a day of pampering can also have some amazing benefits to your health and is undoubtedly much more enjoyable. Have your day off at a day SPA!
Spend your day off relaxing in the steam bath, sweating some nasty toxins out at the sauna or enjoying the warm bubbles at a jacuzzi. If you don’t have the money or time to do that you can always replicate it at home. The Internet is full of great recipes for facials, baths and even full-body treatments you can do at the comfort of your own bathroom and at a cost close to zero. After all, you probably already have the ingredients in your kitchen.
Art therapy is one of the most beneficial activities for reducing stress levels and releasing repressed emotions. You do not need a therapist or even any artistic skill either. Your goal is not to produce a masterpiece, but to have some fun, calm yourself and overcome those negative feelings.
Try a quirky DIY project, get a coloring book and some crayons, sing a sad song or journal without thought or regard for grammar, spelling and proper sentence construction. It doesn’t have to look or sound good as long as it makes you feel great.
Romantic relationships take a lot of time and energy, so sometimes we neglect other important people in out lives. Unlike boyfriends though, family and friends last much longer. They are your support network, if anything, look at them as a safety net you can fall back on in case of heartbreak (which is your case).
And while I encourage you to have as much alone time as you need, once you feel ready certainly take some time for real conversation with someone other than your pet (although talking to your cat is also very therapeutic, they are very attentive and open-minded listeners).
Gratitude is a powerful tool for overcoming obstacles. Take a few minutes off your day to think about all the blessings you have in your life. List them. You can start with the most basic – having a roof over your head, food in your plate and a computer to be reading this article on. It is truly important to take a break from self-pity and see all the lovely thing we already have.
You can take thankfulness a step further by actually giving back to those less fortunate than you. Volunteering at a pet shelter or an orphanage can do wonders for boosting your spirits, as well as do an actual wonder for another being.
Remember how I told you that this is your chance to start over? To create a new and better version of you. Well, all through the healing process you have done just that. You have learnt to acknowledge, respect and channel your emotions.
Now lift your eyes up to the world and you will see it in a completely different way. Allow yourself to explore, to play around. Maybe book a trip to a place you always wanted to visit or start teaching yourself a new skill, or begin working on that project that has been lingering in your head forever.
It could end up changing your life. But even if it doesn’t, now you know how to handle negative feelings much better. And no matter how much your ex hurt you, this is gift that you can truly thank your breakup for.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this article on how to recover from a breakup by pampering yourself 🙂 Good luck,
PS: If this article has made you want him back, make sure you learn the secrets on how to do it. Click here to learn how!
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